I always tend to worry about what others think about me, but don’t we all? But then again, I’ve never been shown to think differently. It seems like everytime I get close to somebody, they always seem to betray me.
I wonder if people just get bored with me. Maybe I’m awkward or unsure when it comes to men. But could that really be the reason why things always turn out bad for me? and is that reason enough to expect people to treat me a certain way? I think it all goes along with the saying we get the love we think we deserve. Maybe I’m just selling myself short, and in that sense maybe everyone else feels like that’s what they should do too.
Or maybe I just have an attraction to people who dont respect others. Like most of the time I know how these people really are, but then I tend to think that I can change them or that they won’t treat me like that. I think a lot of the time I try to find the good in people, and that’s just not my place. I need to find somebody who treats me well, not somebody who MIGHT be able to learn to treat me well.
I always ask why this happens to me, but then I also don’t wait around for guys that are more mature and know how to treat others. I’ll admit that to a certain extent I am shallow, and I’m fine admitting that because although no one else will ever admit it we are all shallow in our own ways. And unfortunately for you “nice guys” out there that I know of, you’re all into Anime, dye your hair weird colors, or make those food people things at lunch.
I don’t know why it has to be this hard, and why I always seem to attract people that don’t care about me, but I wish there was someone that fit the profile of a nearly perfect person. Someone to say “I love you” when you’re not expecting it, someone to not be afraid to grab your hand in public, someone to treat you like a princess, someone who isn’t drop dead gorgeous but also pretty good looking, someone who shares your interests, and someone who simply makes you a better person. It’s what we’re all looking for, and so the question is what and who do we have to go through before we find out what we are worth and who is willing to pay it?