Boys to Men…and Back Again

Today I began to think, there’s a guy I’ve been chasing for almost 2, maybe even 3, years now. Every time it seems like he’s interested, something happens. At first I just thought it was always me doing something wrong. Like maybe I had embarrassed him, or done something he didn’t like. I have always been a little on the heavier side, maybe he was just embarrassed to be in public with me?

However then I began to think, maybe it was just because he was never satisfied? I’ve always been myself, and I’ve never made him think I was any different or any more than I really was. Maybe he was just always looking for more, and when he thought he could find it. Now he hasn’t had a girlfriend since the last time we talked, and I’m starting to see a pattern here. He always goes for a girl that he thinks he can get more with, and when they figure out his game they move on.

For him, I’ve always been like a rock. I’m always here, and I’m always willing to give it another go whenever he comes back. Coming to realize it, he’s always used it and I’ve always allowed him to. I practically went up to him and was like “why don’t you go see what else is out there, and it ya don’t find anything come back!” I feel like such an idiot for ever letting him treat me like that, for caring about him the way I did, and for getting so upset when it didn’t work out.

I’ve cared about him for a long time…maybe even almost love him (not exactly but it might be close). If it ever happens hopefully I’ll be strong enough to stand up and say no, but seeing my track record I’m not so confident. What do you do when you care about someone like this, but they don’t care about you in return? How do you convince yourself that the best thing to do is to not be with them, when really the only thing that would make you feel better is for them to love you and want you back?Image




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